There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name