So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so let's talk penis.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
