My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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