i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
