why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
