girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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