you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
