Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
