You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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