WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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