Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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