one might say we're banned from that church
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
