Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
