hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
