So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
