dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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