i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
