I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
