He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am one with the molecules
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize