well I can't set my house on fire every night
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
