Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
