is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
