Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
