The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
