what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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