Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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