All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
