It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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