The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
