Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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