I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
