So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
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Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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