Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
