At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
