Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
