Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize