That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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