I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
