Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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