In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
