Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
