my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
i think im in europe. pls send help
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
