We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
