Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
