I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
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I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
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Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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