I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's blow job season.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
