he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i need some magic done to my vagina
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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