I'm passing your future prison.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
3 2 1 whiskey
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
