So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
