You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
