the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
