Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
