Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
