yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just gargled with NyQuil
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
