i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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