I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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