census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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