She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
