there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
