i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
