Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
