if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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