There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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