oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We have so much sex to catch up on
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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