You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
