Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
