Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
