So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
