Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
