So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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