Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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