Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
