I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
