She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
