she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
