he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
