i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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