I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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