he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
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She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
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The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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