Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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