Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
